You know the drill. Another year, another trip around the sun, and it’s all for THIS. We here at The Parsing Haus are doing it again, shined and primed for a long and robust jaw-aching feed at the swollen teat of decadent celebrity culture.

Join us on Sunday, February 26 for live coverage of the 2017 Academy Awards; bury your hungry snout in our trough of cinephiliac num-nums and popcorn and snark-dumplings and perfect little starfucker sundaes topped with delicious bon mots. It’s a feast. You’re welcome.

  • Our live red carpet coverage starts ~2:30 pacific / ~5:30 eastern (TBA) (watch: ABC)
  • Our live Oscar coverage starts 4:00 pacific / 7:00 eastern (TBA) (watch: ABC)

So tune in right here. It’s going to be choice.*

* – and don’t forget to refresh the page. On some browsers, the live blog software we use doesn’t auto-update. We’ll fix this someday, probably. 

Haus February 26, 20179:20 pm

Thanks for tuning in, everyone. Back to our reviews for another year!

specialk February 26, 20179:20 pm

Ok kids, signing off. I’ll leave it to you two to close out.

Haus February 26, 20179:19 pm

So PWC screwed up.

specialk February 26, 20179:18 pm

Hs all around indeed.

Parsi February 26, 20179:18 pm

Hs for everyone.

Parsi February 26, 20179:18 pm

Thanks all! You made this memorable. FOR CERTAIN.

Haus February 26, 20179:18 pm

Peace love and the American Dream. May we all have two minutes of undeserved speeches in our future, followed by dramatic public disappointment.

Parsi February 26, 20179:17 pm

The real crime is that Moonlight did not get to give their full speech.

specialk February 26, 20179:17 pm

Thanks for tuning in! Parsi, Haus, it’s been an honor to participate this year.

Parsi February 26, 20179:17 pm

I am still shaking a bit. crazy.

specialk February 26, 20179:17 pm

Wow. Well kids. That was a way to end the show alright.

Haus February 26, 20179:17 pm

Steve Harvey can host next year.

Haus February 26, 20179:16 pm

Now that was intense. I have never imagined that.

Parsi February 26, 20179:14 pm

I don’t even know anymore. WHAT!

Haus February 26, 20179:13 pm

Wow this is dramatic.

Parsi February 26, 20179:13 pm

UN-President-ED

specialk February 26, 20179:13 pm

It’s literally their one job.

Haus February 26, 20179:13 pm

Wow this is a major development. I think it was arranged by Affleck to take the eyes off him.

Parsi February 26, 20179:12 pm

They gave him the wrong envelope. JESUS.

specialk February 26, 20179:12 pm

Wow.

Parsi February 26, 20179:12 pm

Moonlight wins! OMG! WHAT!

Haus February 26, 20179:12 pm

Wow this is a grand f-up indeed.

Parsi February 26, 20179:12 pm

WHAT WHAT WHAT

Haus February 26, 20179:11 pm

Woah what is THIS

specialk February 26, 20179:11 pm

WHAT JUST HAPPENED

Parsi February 26, 20179:11 pm

OMG!!!!!

Parsi February 26, 20179:11 pm

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Parsi February 26, 20179:11 pm

Security dudes are confused, there was an envelope error.

specialk February 26, 20179:10 pm

Safe travels CLGJr!

Haus February 26, 20179:10 pm

Oh here it comes. If these guys all talk about dreaming I will be dismayed.

CLGJr February 26, 20179:10 pm

Aaaaaand, with that, peace out, y’all! This was a blast. Wish me luck on the redeye back to Boston by the Sea 👋🏼

Parsi February 26, 20179:10 pm

Mumble bubble.

Haus February 26, 20179:10 pm

This is for those who … get DACA

Haus February 26, 20179:09 pm

I am glad this won, let’s see more imaginative movies like this. Manchester can ride on its Affleck bubble.

CLGJr February 26, 20179:09 pm

Totes, Parsi.

specialk February 26, 20179:09 pm

and I don’t mean DREAMers.

CLGJr February 26, 20179:09 pm

This is a fine win. Moonlight is the real piece of art, but I’ll take it.

Parsi February 26, 20179:09 pm

CLGJr that is an H, right?

specialk February 26, 20179:09 pm

Oh this will be a bunch of stuff about dreamers…

Parsi February 26, 20179:09 pm

LA LA LA, stops the mumble hemorrhage.

Haus February 26, 20179:09 pm

Well deserved.

Haus February 26, 20179:08 pm

TOGT: La La Land!

CLGJr February 26, 20179:08 pm

7/14. A gentleman’s D.

specialk February 26, 20179:08 pm

Here we go…

Parsi February 26, 20179:08 pm

I think the lesson tonight is that if you are a Southie or Southie light and you can keep that accent, you can win an Oscar.

Haus February 26, 20179:08 pm

La La Land did really interesting things with movies.

Haus February 26, 20179:08 pm

I say La La Land for this one. Come on. Or Arrival for the quality upset.

Haus February 26, 20179:07 pm

Well 100% of Casey Affleck is pablum but he still won.

CLGJr February 26, 20179:07 pm

The first half of Lion was a triumph. The second? Pablum.

specialk February 26, 20179:07 pm

…and again in 2016. HAH.

Haus February 26, 20179:06 pm

HOHW was a great film but it’s two years too late. The world hates those folks now, they voted in 45.

Parsi February 26, 20179:06 pm

The Hack Deuce and the Mumble blues.

Parsi February 26, 20179:05 pm

Indeed. I have suffered.

Haus February 26, 20179:05 pm

Ok, here we go, BEST PICTURE, this is what you’ve been suffering through our commentary for!

Haus February 26, 20179:04 pm

Woah. Faye Dunaway looks exactly like Peter Weller’s RoboCop from the side.

Haus February 26, 20179:04 pm

And then escape very slowly.

CLGJr February 26, 20179:04 pm

NO WIRE HANGERS!

Parsi February 26, 20179:03 pm

Faye, Warren, Mclain . . . both still look ten times better than bull scrotum.

Haus February 26, 20179:03 pm

Bonnie and Clyde rob a bingo hall on seniors night.

Haus February 26, 20179:03 pm

Parsi February 26, 20179:02 pm

Speak Haus.

Haus February 26, 20179:00 pm

She was able to redeem some of Hollywoods chits, that were just lost at the Blackjack table of Casey Affleck’s vagrancy

Parsi February 26, 20179:00 pm

Rainy Day Woman

Haus February 26, 20179:00 pm

Nice job Stone

Parsi February 26, 20178:59 pm

Remember. Always remember.

Parsi February 26, 20178:59 pm

She is important.

Parsi February 26, 20178:59 pm

She is smart.

Haus February 26, 20178:59 pm

Someone got her with the glitter gun

CLGJr February 26, 20178:59 pm

specialk February 26, 20178:58 pm

She and I would be friends. No doubt.

Haus February 26, 20178:58 pm

Spence Stone, I am still in that boat.

Parsi February 26, 20178:58 pm

She is kind.

CLGJr February 26, 20178:58 pm

Easy A(cademy Award)

Haus February 26, 20178:58 pm

Appropriately Breathless

Parsi February 26, 20178:58 pm

You most certainly did not SUH (on the latter).

Haus February 26, 20178:58 pm

The I WON dress came true

Parsi February 26, 20178:58 pm

Arizona girl in the house. You get some.

CLGJr February 26, 20178:57 pm

And it’s complete marrymeemma

Haus February 26, 20178:57 pm

CALLED IT AND BALLED IT

specialk February 26, 20178:57 pm

YAY!

Haus February 26, 20178:57 pm

TOGT: Emma Stone

Parsi February 26, 20178:57 pm

Leo the bear bears bears bare?

specialk February 26, 20178:56 pm

No no Parsi, remember, Leo can’t bear bears.

Parsi February 26, 20178:56 pm

Everybody must get stoned.

CLGJr February 26, 20178:56 pm

Never forget: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifZPTR561Ik

Haus February 26, 20178:56 pm

BEST ACTRESS here we go. I say stone.

Parsi February 26, 20178:56 pm

Leo memes would make America bearable again.

Haus February 26, 20178:56 pm

Negga looks like a Pez in that dress.

Haus February 26, 20178:55 pm

Batman’s kid brother. Academy Award winner Casey Affleck.

specialk February 26, 20178:55 pm

Luls

CLGJr February 26, 20178:55 pm

I miss the old Leo memes. Can we have those again?

Haus February 26, 20178:54 pm

Leo in the horse house.

Parsi February 26, 20178:54 pm

Denz is whispering to himself. I brought a Pulitzer winning show to you America. This. This. This is what you want. A barely emotional mumbling sad face.

Haus February 26, 20178:53 pm

ACADEMY AWARD WINNER CASEY AFFLECK.

Parsi February 26, 20178:53 pm

One cookie. One sparkling water. One ugly cry.

specialk February 26, 20178:52 pm

At least Haus doesn’t have to eat a bug. We all win.

Parsi February 26, 20178:52 pm

Meh. Fat-leck won one too. Doesn’t mean a thing.

CLGJr February 26, 20178:52 pm

mumblecore

CLGJr February 26, 20178:52 pm

What’s you’re Oscar count, Parsi?

Haus February 26, 20178:52 pm

And in the further subtitled vader: CALL THE WHITE HELMETS!

specialk February 26, 20178:52 pm

*tries to do* Batman.

Haus February 26, 20178:51 pm

This is going to send Affleck 2.0 down a path to “serious acting” while his brother does Batman.

Parsi February 26, 20178:51 pm

or in the words of Chinese dubbed Darth Vader: DO NOT WANT!!!!!!!!!!

Parsi February 26, 20178:51 pm

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

specialk February 26, 20178:50 pm

Vom.

Haus February 26, 20178:50 pm

TOGT: Casey Affleck

CLGJr February 26, 20178:50 pm

We didn’t land on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock landed on us!

Haus February 26, 20178:50 pm

Viggo was really good in Capt. F.

Parsi February 26, 20178:50 pm

Also, gosling should always wear the jacket from Drive.

Parsi February 26, 20178:49 pm

Denz should win, or Gosling eyes.

specialk February 26, 20178:49 pm

Gosling would be the upset here.

CLGJr February 26, 20178:49 pm

Quack!

Haus February 26, 20178:49 pm

If Andrew Garfield wins this I will eat a bug.

Parsi February 26, 20178:48 pm

21, Brie was certainly on point in that.

specialk February 26, 20178:48 pm

I’d love to see Denzel win this. I worry AFLAC will take it.

CLGJr February 26, 20178:48 pm

Um, Adrian Brody???

Haus February 26, 20178:48 pm

Brie got so slim. Remember 21 Jump Street!

CLGJr February 26, 20178:47 pm

Hi, Brie!

Parsi February 26, 20178:47 pm

Nick Cage…there will always be the Nick Cage win…to remind everyone that anything is possible. No talent or good judgment required.

Parsi February 26, 20178:46 pm

Indeed CLGJr.

Haus February 26, 20178:46 pm

Parsi, I am with you on that one.

Parsi February 26, 20178:46 pm

SpecialK for the win. May you be merciful.

Haus February 26, 20178:45 pm

No, Google. I reject your cloying “your content is great too” message. Visit any blog to put the lie to that idea.

Parsi February 26, 20178:45 pm

I hate this everyone is a content producer thing.

CLGJr February 26, 20178:45 pm

Well if Moonlight were to win now, it would be the biggest upset since . . . Spotlight last year.

specialk February 26, 20178:45 pm

Not younger than ME tho! Muahahaha I still have time!

Haus February 26, 20178:45 pm

I didn’t hate it. I thought La La was the film of the year, but narrowly. There was some good stuff this year.

Parsi February 26, 20178:44 pm

I am sticking with my vote. LA LA LA will win. Moonlight should win.

Parsi February 26, 20178:44 pm

I am on the LA LA LA train as well. The film everyone loves to hate.

Haus February 26, 20178:44 pm

Everyone is younger than I am. In four months my age will make me a protected class.

Haus February 26, 20178:43 pm

Chazelle kind of looks like one of the sand worms in Dune, but in a suit.

CLGJr February 26, 20178:43 pm

Haus, this kid is younger than we are. Not cool.

Parsi February 26, 20178:43 pm

So, now there is a three way split of the predictor awards. This leans toward LA LA LA.

specialk February 26, 20178:43 pm

Also seriously guys he’s killing that outfit.

Haus February 26, 20178:43 pm

LA LA LA LA LA LA, I am in favor of this. I loved La La Land.

specialk February 26, 20178:43 pm

I really have to see Moonlight.

CLGJr February 26, 20178:42 pm

Barry wuz robbed y’all.

CLGJr February 26, 20178:42 pm

Got dammit.

Parsi February 26, 20178:42 pm

LA LA LA

Haus February 26, 20178:42 pm

Director. TOGT: Chazelle.

Parsi February 26, 20178:42 pm

That is the vibe I am getting.

Haus February 26, 20178:42 pm

OK, director, here we go.

CLGJr February 26, 20178:42 pm

BARRY FTW

specialk February 26, 20178:39 pm

CLGJr and Parsi–may the odds ever be in your favor!

CLGJr February 26, 20178:38 pm

I’m not either, Parsi.

Parsi February 26, 20178:37 pm

CLGJr I am not even sure if this is a UN reference or a Hunger Games joke.

Haus February 26, 20178:37 pm

BATMERCH!!!!!!

Haus February 26, 20178:37 pm

Leo and Halle. Still Oscars royalty, getting the top presenter spots.

Parsi February 26, 20178:37 pm

Rich people, just like real people, love free stuff. I am just waiting for the tshirt gun.

CLGJr February 26, 20178:37 pm

Why do the Oscar peeps think that food is the way to keep the HOME AUDIENCE interested? oscarssolame

Parsi February 26, 20178:36 pm

thanks, you get the H, I will take the pass.

Haus February 26, 20178:35 pm

Finally someone who rehearsed a speech.

Parsi February 26, 20178:35 pm

lol.

CLGJr February 26, 20178:35 pm

Hey, Parsi, if you’re keeping track . . . .

Parsi February 26, 20178:35 pm

Putting it down for the ACLU!

Haus February 26, 20178:35 pm

CLG and Parsi are about to have a showdown about Manchester by the Sea.

CLGJr February 26, 20178:35 pm

Preach!!!

Parsi February 26, 20178:34 pm

If your keeping track…Moonlight …Man by the sad sea are going head to head.

CLGJr February 26, 20178:34 pm

Barry Jenkins is the real genius. So deserved.

Haus February 26, 20178:34 pm

A noble two pieces prize.

Parsi February 26, 20178:33 pm

Perhaps a Nobel Peace Prize.

specialk February 26, 20178:33 pm

Get it, girl!

Parsi February 26, 20178:33 pm

She should win an Oscar for that dress.

CLGJr February 26, 20178:33 pm

Amy is . . . present.

Haus February 26, 20178:33 pm

Amy Adams!

specialk February 26, 20178:32 pm

…and this is the speech version…

CLGJr February 26, 20178:32 pm

Damien won’t get Director. MARK MY WORDS.

Parsi February 26, 20178:32 pm

This is the 90s American Music Awards

Parsi February 26, 20178:32 pm

The film version of Melancholy and the Infinite Sadness.

Haus February 26, 20178:32 pm

Damian will sweep the important stuff. You wait and see. But yes, they’re dropping ludes on the audience.

CLGJr February 26, 20178:31 pm

Damien is gonna go home empty-handed. Just you watch.

CLGJr February 26, 20178:31 pm

YES!!!! Kenny!!!

Parsi February 26, 20178:31 pm

OVER . . . RATED

specialk February 26, 20178:31 pm

YES Parsi!

Haus February 26, 20178:31 pm

Screenplay TOGT: Manchester

Parsi February 26, 20178:31 pm

Get Out should win this next year.

specialk February 26, 20178:30 pm

Come on HoHW!

CLGJr February 26, 20178:30 pm

And we’re officially in the FOURTH HOUR.

Haus February 26, 20178:30 pm

HOHW is a great film.

Parsi February 26, 20178:30 pm

The orchestra is now killing it.

Parsi February 26, 20178:29 pm

Taller fatter less homeless Casey Afleck can speak.

specialk February 26, 20178:29 pm

The blue/black tux really is the uniform tonight.

Haus February 26, 20178:29 pm

Do the cream soda.

Parsi February 26, 20178:29 pm

An All Am and a cream soda?

specialk February 26, 20178:29 pm

Next best thing to mean tweets.

Haus February 26, 20178:28 pm

I am loving this rip on We Bought a Zoo. What a terrible film.

CLGJr February 26, 20178:28 pm

Cameron Crowe is really the one getting dragged here.

specialk February 26, 20178:28 pm

Parsi we need you to hold down the fort up there. And live it up. Order a pizza already!

Parsi February 26, 20178:28 pm

A cookie. Some sparkling water.

specialk February 26, 20178:27 pm

Train to Busan! Yep. You all knew it.

Haus February 26, 20178:27 pm

Hey Parsi, what did you snack on. We had a large pizza and every sort of snack here at our undisclosed location in Silicon Valley. And daiquiris, wines, and mexican cokes. And sweeties.

specialk February 26, 20178:27 pm

And the Oscar goes to….

…..

…..

……

Parsi February 26, 20178:27 pm

I was la la laing while all the la la landed.

specialk February 26, 20178:27 pm

And the nominees are…Lights Out, Conjuring 2, Train to Busan, Shin Godzilla, Don’t Breathe, and The Witch.

CLGJr February 26, 20178:27 pm

CLGJr: “The Times was savage to her”

specialk: “Well, she is dead.”

CLGJr: “The New York Times

{hilarity ensued}

specialk February 26, 20178:26 pm

I’d like to take a moment to acknowledge the nominees for best horror film of 2016 since I KNOW we will not see that category on our TVs tonight

Haus February 26, 20178:26 pm

I am surprised Rolex didn’t get Bond footage.

Parsi February 26, 20178:24 pm

gets me every time.

Parsi February 26, 20178:24 pm

Joni and her ice cream.

CLGJr February 26, 20178:23 pm

The only thing the Globes gets right is the awkward applause audio during inmemoriam

specialk February 26, 20178:22 pm

Parsi–wooed back to the computer by the coo of Joni Mitchell’s lyrics

Haus February 26, 20178:22 pm

Parsi has returned from the munchie trough.

Parsi February 26, 20178:21 pm

ICE CREAM CASTLES!!! Do want! sadness do not want.

CLGJr February 26, 20178:20 pm

And Brad Pitt sighs audibly.

Haus February 26, 20178:20 pm

Aniston is missing her sunglasses. A normal took them.

specialk February 26, 20178:19 pm

Amen for supportive moms of boys in theater! Comment of the night.

Haus February 26, 20178:19 pm

This guy was in a total rush to speak and when he did he thanked the producers first

Haus February 26, 20178:18 pm

Dude was exactly right. Everyone fall asleep now please.

Haus February 26, 20178:18 pm

This was not the better of the songs in LLL. The other one was better.

CLGJr February 26, 20178:18 pm

Audition is WAY better.

Haus February 26, 20178:17 pm

TOGT: La La Land, City of Stars

CLGJr February 26, 20178:17 pm

specialk > Haus on the ScarJo savagery

Haus February 26, 20178:17 pm

She has glitter on her face for some reason.

specialk February 26, 20178:16 pm

Scarjo rocking the latest discarded Bieber hairdo

Haus February 26, 20178:16 pm

ScarJo looks like a lens cleaning brush. A lens cleaning brush I would use.

CLGJr February 26, 20178:16 pm

I’m not convinced; the buttons looked legit sartorialassessment

CLGJr February 26, 20178:15 pm

It was, Haus. But MICA LEVI.

Haus February 26, 20178:15 pm

Another regular shirt on tux combo.

specialk February 26, 20178:15 pm

Sloshed right now, but yes VERY well done.

Haus February 26, 20178:15 pm

This was legitimately good music. Good job, jittery dude who wrote it.

Haus February 26, 20178:14 pm

TOGT: La La Land

CLGJr February 26, 20178:14 pm

Jackie should win / La La will

Haus February 26, 20178:14 pm

La La Land for SURE on score.

specialk February 26, 20178:14 pm

Now he just needs some McD…

CLGJr February 26, 20178:13 pm

Bluuuuue Velvet.

Haus February 26, 20178:13 pm

SLJ still thirsting for that dope-ass smoking jacket from Kingsman. And now he has it.

Haus February 26, 20178:13 pm

Do orchestra players dream of overlong speeches?

Haus February 26, 20178:11 pm

Cloying is the ad approach du jour. adcommentary

Haus February 26, 20178:09 pm

Cadillac. You know your product line is tepid when you need to spend a 30 second ad on a concept car. adcommentary

CLGJr February 26, 20178:09 pm

It’s so funny!

Haus February 26, 20178:08 pm

Nunes and OtherParsi are having their own liveblog down below!

CLGJr February 26, 20178:08 pm

George does need some new plaid shirts.

Haus February 26, 20178:07 pm

I wonder if Lucas will sue over this performance. I see Skywalkers.

specialk February 26, 20178:07 pm

Yeah she was really a better fit for the song. The voice is supposed to break.

Haus February 26, 20178:06 pm

Yes Emma did a good job on this. Wait for him to do “City of Stars”

CLGJr February 26, 20178:06 pm

I think Emma actually sang this one better?

specialk February 26, 20178:06 pm

Yeah he decided to be nice and not warm up for this one. And to actually play the piano live.

Haus February 26, 20178:05 pm

For anyone who saw the movie, here you see an actual singer singing this song. Though I feel like he’s bunging it up a bit on purpose just to be easy on Ryan.

CLGJr February 26, 20178:04 pm

Totes. And her makeup is killer. She knows she’s taking home the gold.

Haus February 26, 20178:04 pm

City of Stars was then butchered by me. –Ryan Gosling

Haus February 26, 20178:04 pm

Stone is in the “I win, right?” outfit

Haus February 26, 20178:03 pm

Mean Tweets and the kid are the big winners so far.

Haus February 26, 20178:01 pm

Maybe if they stopped air-dropping quaaludes on everyone these recipients would be more upbeat

specialk February 26, 20178:01 pm

YES TWEETS

CLGJr February 26, 20178:00 pm

YES. That.

Haus February 26, 20178:00 pm

Or Brad Pitt in a Conan the Barbarian wig

CLGJr February 26, 20178:00 pm

With a touch of LOTR-era Viggo.

specialk February 26, 20178:00 pm

Fabiana

Haus February 26, 20177:59 pm

Oh look, it’s Fabio crossed with Eric Bana

Haus February 26, 20177:59 pm

TOGT: La La La La

CLGJr February 26, 20177:59 pm

Moonlight FTW,

Haus February 26, 20177:58 pm

I think La La on this one. Arrival a good choice too.

Haus February 26, 20177:58 pm

Nom noms for cinematography.

Haus February 26, 20177:58 pm

Streep is wearing sweat pants under her dress.

CLGJr February 26, 20177:57 pm

What does a beer want to be remembered for? Not being watery adcommentary

Haus February 26, 20177:57 pm

Oh Mister BOND.

specialk February 26, 20177:56 pm

His voice. Like buttah.

Haus February 26, 20177:54 pm

I don’t see why the ushers keep looking at iPads in the wings. And then the host is like tweeting on the big screen. And people are using selfie sticks on the red carpet. No, people.

Haus February 26, 20177:54 pm

The Academy honored five digital cameras.

CLGJr February 26, 20177:53 pm

They honored the cameras themselves? therobotsarewinning

specialk February 26, 20177:51 pm

Perky bat ears here, Parsi. The bat has awakened.

Haus February 26, 20177:51 pm

Chames Jond.

Haus February 26, 20177:51 pm

John Cho for James Bond.

Haus February 26, 20177:50 pm

OK, some live tweeting to POTUS.

CLGJr February 26, 20177:50 pm

ok, this is the best thing he’s done all night.

CLGJr February 26, 20177:49 pm

Kristof is pulling off that neckbeard that was supposed to be a jawline one.

Parsi February 26, 20177:49 pm

SpecialK is like a hawk.

Haus February 26, 20177:49 pm

His shirt has glitter on it. sartorialassessment

Parsi February 26, 20177:48 pm

I bite my finger to assure that does not happen.

specialk February 26, 20177:48 pm

Parsi I do NOT want to hear a SINGLE Adele joke right now

Haus February 26, 20177:48 pm

TOGT: Sing

Parsi February 26, 20177:47 pm

99% certain

specialk February 26, 20177:47 pm

Nah he got lost on his way to the bathroom.

Parsi February 26, 20177:46 pm

She is on point.

Haus February 26, 20177:46 pm

Gibson stays seated. Bets?

Parsi February 26, 20177:46 pm

2save1life

CLGJr February 26, 20177:45 pm

Dang, a doc filmmaker looks more glamorous than half the actresses getit

Parsi February 26, 20177:45 pm

I thought they would give it to Joe’s Violin

specialk February 26, 20177:45 pm

Oh I love her dress. Fantastic.

Haus February 26, 20177:45 pm

Finally the stormtroopers are recognized for their work.

Parsi February 26, 20177:45 pm

Just, missed, I think it was a close call but White Helmets would have been my should

Haus February 26, 20177:44 pm

TOGT: White Helmets.

specialk February 26, 20177:44 pm

Parsi what’s your pick?

Haus February 26, 20177:44 pm

Last two decades? She has aged ten minutes and Guy Pierce has aged forty years.

CLGJr February 26, 20177:43 pm

“Ooooh, helloooo” – Haus

specialk February 26, 20177:43 pm

45 reference

Haus February 26, 20177:43 pm

Hayek, hello.

Haus February 26, 20177:40 pm

This is the La La Land of Walmart commercials.

Parsi February 26, 20177:40 pm

proof that Seth smokes more dope that the rest of the US combined.

specialk February 26, 20177:40 pm

Can that kid host the rest of the show?

Haus February 26, 20177:39 pm

This kid wins the Oscars.

Parsi February 26, 20177:39 pm

He knows nothing but domination.

CLGJr February 26, 20177:39 pm

Haus, specialk, and CLGJr just guffawed in unison: “YES!”

Haus February 26, 20177:38 pm

This kid dominates.

CLGJr February 26, 20177:38 pm

Mel just gave the 45 raised fist salute greatminds

Parsi February 26, 20177:37 pm

Haus will Hack his Ridge if this film wins anymore.

Haus February 26, 20177:37 pm

Dude is rocking a regular shirt.

CLGJr February 26, 20177:37 pm

That’s more than Wa Wa Land.

Haus February 26, 20177:37 pm

The worst part of this is that people will now think Hacksaw Ridge is good.

Parsi February 26, 20177:37 pm

just bloating that scrotum.

CLGJr February 26, 20177:37 pm

Hacksaw Ridge has TWO OSCARS, y’all.

Parsi February 26, 20177:36 pm

double hacked. UGH!

specialk February 26, 20177:36 pm

HACK SAW A FILM ONCE

Haus February 26, 20177:36 pm

A travesty.

Haus February 26, 20177:36 pm

TOGT: Hacksaw Ridge.

Parsi February 26, 20177:36 pm

them eyes.

Haus February 26, 20177:36 pm

I would do La La for this one, TBH.

CLGJr February 26, 20177:36 pm

Please, Moonlight.

specialk February 26, 20177:36 pm

Parsi if you think Haus holds back any of those opinions from me any more than I hold back my thoughts about The Rock, Ryan Gosling, Tom Hardy, Clive Owen, Vince Vaughn, Denzel Washington, Gerard Butler…sorry, what were we talking about?

Haus February 26, 20177:35 pm

FILM EDITING.

Haus February 26, 20177:34 pm

MJ isn’t getting any taller.

Haus February 26, 20177:34 pm

LOL Tilda Swinton. Seth Rogen with the comment of the night. truthitup

CLGJr February 26, 20177:33 pm

And what if your mom tried to get in those Calvins?

Haus February 26, 20177:33 pm

Haus with the PRESCIENT QUOTE!

Parsi February 26, 20177:32 pm

Live action Cars will be interesting.

CLGJr February 26, 20177:32 pm

Please god no. THIS is what’s killing my childhood.

Haus February 26, 20177:32 pm

The truth must out, Parsi.

Parsi February 26, 20177:32 pm

….and greenlight more live action Disney remakes.

Parsi February 26, 20177:31 pm

SpecialK, I am sorry for all that you are learning about Haus tonight. We tried to keep this from you.

CLGJr February 26, 20177:31 pm

I pick Dr. Strange here.

Haus February 26, 20177:30 pm

I think so. I liked her in the Hawking movie.

Parsi February 26, 20177:30 pm

Actors from the movie people wish would win best picture.

CLGJr February 26, 20177:30 pm

Are you a fan, Haus?

Parsi February 26, 20177:29 pm

HD Cinema Paradiso for the win.

Haus February 26, 20177:29 pm

FELICITY JONES.

CLGJr February 26, 20177:29 pm

Why are we getting subtitles for the English contributions?

Haus February 26, 20177:29 pm

This is a message that we should be inclusive tonight. In case you didn’t get it. decodingthemystery

Parsi February 26, 20177:29 pm

The JESUS!

CLGJr February 26, 20177:29 pm

The Big Lebowksi is like xanax truth

Haus February 26, 20177:28 pm

Modern Times, good selection!

Parsi February 26, 20177:28 pm

Suicide Squad?

Haus February 26, 20177:28 pm

People from around the world love American movies!

Haus February 26, 20177:27 pm

Yes, and that’s how they’ll get Casey Affleck into the show again.

Parsi February 26, 20177:26 pm

I think they call it poverty porn.

Parsi February 26, 20177:26 pm

Hs, nah, too much for for the Haus.

specialk February 26, 20177:25 pm

“Next year, we will take some stars to surprise a bunch of people at the end of their rope at a homeless shelter! What fun! Look how large the class gap is in this country! Haha…now back to the awards…”

CLGJr February 26, 20177:25 pm

We only know Hs around here, bruh.

Parsi February 26, 20177:25 pm

Andrew is making moves on my kid brother.

Parsi February 26, 20177:24 pm

Meh. It was fine. Sort of fun. I give it a pass. You guys know about those.

Haus February 26, 20177:23 pm

If the point was to make ordinary people feel in touch with this show, I will posit that it failed. youareanexhibit thestarswillseeyounow keepmoving cellphonesout

CLGJr February 26, 20177:22 pm

Somehow I didn’t think that anything could be worse than Ellen’s enormous selfie pizza delivery. We just saw it.

specialk February 26, 20177:22 pm

They might as well have thrown them up on stage and told them they have to do a dance number

Haus February 26, 20177:22 pm

This was a strange interlude.

CLGJr February 26, 20177:21 pm

Pete!

Haus February 26, 20177:21 pm

YULARY!

Parsi February 26, 20177:21 pm

Meryl is living it up.

Haus February 26, 20177:21 pm

The stars have to be on best behavior here which makes this very strange

CLGJr February 26, 20177:20 pm

Someone please tell this poor man that the people in the seats are REGULAR PEOPLE, not royalty.

Parsi February 26, 20177:19 pm

oh Pete, good ole Pete.

Haus February 26, 20177:19 pm

This is quite uncomfortable tbh

Parsi February 26, 20177:19 pm

Denz marriage and Gosling kiss. she is living my dream.

CLGJr February 26, 20177:19 pm

“That man right there” nailedit

Haus February 26, 20177:18 pm

The average joe needs to ditch the cell phone in a major way.

Parsi February 26, 20177:18 pm

Gosling, those eyes. That kiss.

specialk February 26, 20177:18 pm

If you wanted to do this right, pick some and have them get dressed up and actually enjoy the night instead of being paraded out like a spectacle.

CLGJr February 26, 20177:18 pm

SO UNCOMFORTABLE rn. They were hoping for a Ken Bone, and they’re just getting squirms.

Haus February 26, 20177:17 pm

This is like an exhibit called “human life” on an alien ship.

specialk February 26, 20177:17 pm

I really don’t like this.

CLGJr February 26, 20177:17 pm

Stunts like these are why 45 got elected.

Haus February 26, 20177:17 pm

This surprise is not going to be very interesting.

Parsi February 26, 20177:16 pm

Indeed, we know why they design sets.

specialk February 26, 20177:16 pm

I’m grateful that these guys didn’t handle the writing.

Haus February 26, 20177:15 pm

Jamie Dornan looks like he works at a car wash.

Parsi February 26, 20177:15 pm

Sorry Haus the 0-fer is over.

Haus February 26, 20177:14 pm

Now at least we know which song clip we’re going to be hearing for the next hour.

CLGJr February 26, 20177:14 pm

Damien just put away the inhaler. Phew!

Parsi February 26, 20177:14 pm

La La La, so it goes.

Haus February 26, 20177:14 pm

TOGT: La La Land

specialk February 26, 20177:14 pm

If only she could find something else to cover up what she used to cover herself..

CLGJr February 26, 20177:13 pm

The chemistry between these two is flickering.

Parsi February 26, 20177:13 pm

That dress is on point.

Parsi February 26, 20177:13 pm

Dakota, covering it up for once.

Haus February 26, 20177:13 pm

Fifty shades of don’t look now.

specialk February 26, 20177:13 pm

And the 90s jazz…

Parsi February 26, 20177:13 pm

Gaz-hell-yeah

specialk February 26, 20177:12 pm

Shout out to the subtle zoot suit throwback

CLGJr February 26, 20177:12 pm

Those antlers don’t lie.

Parsi February 26, 20177:12 pm

Perhaps they should hold a private screening for 45?

Haus February 26, 20177:12 pm

Anything that turns Shakira into a gazelle is okay by me.

Parsi February 26, 20177:12 pm

Zootopia wins the Pixar-Disney Disney-Pixar fight.

Haus February 26, 20177:11 pm

TOGT Zootopia. Nice!

Haus February 26, 20177:11 pm

I like Zootopia for this.

CLGJr February 26, 20177:11 pm

Y Tu Political Interlude También

specialk February 26, 20177:10 pm

That opening took a turn fast…

Haus February 26, 20177:10 pm

SOUTH AMERICAN SATAN.

Haus February 26, 20177:09 pm

This presenter looks like Jim from American Pie possessed with the voice of Satan.

Also, everyone in the viewing audience is applauding this film based upon its cute clip.

Parsi February 26, 20177:09 pm

Disney-Pixar, still got it.

CLGJr February 26, 20177:09 pm

La La Land with the goose egg again!

specialk February 26, 20177:08 pm

PLEBES!

Haus February 26, 20177:07 pm

Hollywood’s next amusement act: Regular people!

CLGJr February 26, 20177:07 pm

Bittersweet Symphony = TFW Jimmy is played back on stage

Parsi February 26, 20177:06 pm

a scarfing scarf world.

Parsi February 26, 20177:05 pm

The other truth . . . is that it is true.

Haus February 26, 20177:05 pm

We are all just human beings. Next time someone drops a scarf, pick it up for them. This will heal the world. adcommentary

CLGJr February 26, 20177:05 pm

The truth is . . . that ad was a little sanctimonious, Old Grey Lady adcommentary

Haus February 26, 20177:03 pm

Cadillac is all about the throwback tonight. Every vehicle featured in this ad can be had for four figures. Except the new one. You’ll have to wait a year and a half for that one.

Parsi February 26, 20177:03 pm

Take my breath away, after the best foreign film win, I can honestly say that was the first correct song choice of the night.

specialk February 26, 20177:03 pm

Lol

specialk February 26, 20177:02 pm

Supporting role of the evening–the black box holding up Sting’s foot.

CLGJr February 26, 20177:02 pm

specialk February 26, 20177:01 pm

Throwback win of the night CLGJr!

CLGJr February 26, 20177:01 pm

Why isn’t Clint Eastwood on the stage with him?

Haus February 26, 20177:00 pm

J. Ralph!

Parsi February 26, 20177:00 pm

TRUTH!

specialk February 26, 20177:00 pm

Finally. I want more speeches like that.

Haus February 26, 20176:59 pm

They dare not music her

CLGJr February 26, 20176:59 pm

Hell no, Haus. Unless Spice-dawg has the switch.

Parsi February 26, 20176:59 pm

I hope 45’s heart fails during this.

Haus February 26, 20176:59 pm

Will she be musicked?

CLGJr February 26, 20176:59 pm

YES! YES! YES! Bring on the tweets, 45.

Parsi February 26, 20176:59 pm

FUCK YES!

specialk February 26, 20176:58 pm

PREACH PLEASE

CLGJr February 26, 20176:58 pm

Get ready!

specialk February 26, 20176:58 pm

YES

Parsi February 26, 20176:58 pm

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

specialk February 26, 20176:58 pm

CLGJr Called it!

CLGJr February 26, 20176:58 pm

TOGT: The Salesman!!!!

Parsi February 26, 20176:57 pm

Also, wearing the tears of her enemies.

Haus February 26, 20176:57 pm

Some films were stopped at the border and can only be viewed from “detention.”

Parsi February 26, 20176:57 pm

McClain, pantsuit! killing it.

CLGJr February 26, 20176:56 pm

That kiss in the trailer with Vin is something special.

Parsi February 26, 20176:55 pm

Theron, she better get this out while she can, her career is over after Fate of the Furious.

Haus February 26, 20176:55 pm

“On my seventeenth birthday I was eating German pickles.” Charlize, I know what you’re trying to say.

specialk February 26, 20176:54 pm

See? Denzel doesn’t even have to talk and I laugh.

Haus February 26, 20176:54 pm

Denzel just did the Bort.

specialk February 26, 20176:53 pm

Haus, nice.

Haus February 26, 20176:52 pm

Zack Quinto has read the book “I shall distance myself somewhat from Spock by trying a beard.” It was previously enjoyed by Leonard Nimoy with limited success.

CLGJr February 26, 20176:52 pm

Was Zachary Quinto even alive in 1984?

Haus February 26, 20176:51 pm

“The kind of love that makes people cross oceans.” Okay. “The kind of love that makes people have babies.” That one’s not so exceptional really.

specialk February 26, 20176:51 pm

The idea isn’t to show something representative of what YOU would buy, Haus.

Haus February 26, 20176:51 pm

My ad would take place in a college dorm.

Haus February 26, 20176:50 pm

Walmart’s receipt is not representative. Here is what I would put on my Walmart receipt for this ad. Four 2L bottles of Coca Cola Classic. Suave shampoo. Sunless tanner. Jumper cables. Cheetos.

Parsi February 26, 20176:50 pm

Walmart adds, telling the truth too. Walmart, creating apocalyptic nightmares.

Parsi February 26, 20176:48 pm

Viola is just truthing.

Haus February 26, 20176:48 pm

Viola will never get musicked off.

Haus February 26, 20176:47 pm

Viola is having a hard time up here it seems.

Parsi February 26, 20176:47 pm

“I became a lawyer because we are the only profession that takes away my life and the lives of others.”

CLGJr February 26, 20176:46 pm

“I became an artist because we are the only profession that celebrates what it means to live a life.” Not bad, coulda been better.

Haus February 26, 20176:45 pm

Viola is AMPED.

CLGJr February 26, 20176:45 pm

How to Get Away with Murder[ing the Administration’s Policies]

specialk February 26, 20176:44 pm

Yay! Viola! SPEECH SPEECH!

CLGJr February 26, 20176:44 pm

TOGT: VIOLA!!!!

Parsi February 26, 20176:44 pm

Casey Aflleck sad face, fooling America in 2016.

specialk February 26, 20176:44 pm

PS if only Spencer would win, maybe we could get a glimpse at her dress.

Parsi February 26, 20176:42 pm

Constitutional knowledge: Oscar presenters = 5, 45 = -13

CLGJr February 26, 20176:41 pm

He is the one who presents.

Parsi February 26, 20176:41 pm

Opposition. No Hate!

specialk February 26, 20176:41 pm

Uh oh here we go..First Amendment talk??

CLGJr February 26, 20176:41 pm

Viola’s gonna bring it. No question.

Parsi February 26, 20176:41 pm

Walter White’s cousin presenting.

Parsi February 26, 20176:39 pm

Master Caster runs Cartertown!

specialk February 26, 20176:39 pm

His boxmates make so much more sense now.

CLGJr February 26, 20176:38 pm

Master Caster, maaaaan.

specialk February 26, 20176:37 pm

racistjokes

Parsi February 26, 20176:37 pm

Jackie and a panda. Next film.

Parsi February 26, 20176:37 pm

I think that was a part of his leg he was eating.

specialk February 26, 20176:36 pm

I literally RAN to my seat for this.

CLGJr February 26, 20176:36 pm

Pics aren’t posting well. Terrible!

specialk February 26, 20176:36 pm

VINCE

CLGJr February 26, 20176:36 pm

Is Mel eating Twizzlers?? He’s such a twisted kid at heart.

Parsi February 26, 20176:36 pm

All I have is Kimmel, which is worse than nothing.

Parsi February 26, 20176:34 pm

I have no pizza, nor do I have a picture. I am sad now.

specialk February 26, 20176:33 pm

Conveniently, Haus has left to pick up the pizza.

CLGJr February 26, 20176:33 pm

I’ll let specialK do that.

Parsi February 26, 20176:32 pm

can you draw me a picture?

Parsi February 26, 20176:32 pm

why?

Parsi February 26, 20176:32 pm

clip on bow tie at the Oscar, bold choice.

CLGJr February 26, 20176:31 pm

Mel would be frothing, but he’s got serious cottonmouth. You know why.

Haus February 26, 20176:31 pm

Gibson doesn’t look any less like a filthy doll rolled in foundation.

specialk February 26, 20176:31 pm

“…and to my facial hair…for hanging in there…”

Parsi February 26, 20176:31 pm

they thank the scrotum? Boo.

Haus February 26, 20176:30 pm

Hacksaw ridge? Come on. Also known as make a mix tape of Saving Private Ryan’s battle sounds and play them for three hours while Mel Gibson tells me Andrew Garfield is Jesus.

Parsi February 26, 20176:30 pm

alright, it is over, the Hack wins, America has lost.

CLGJr February 26, 20176:30 pm

“The Oscar-winning ‘Hacksaw Ridge'” 🤢🤢🤢

Parsi February 26, 20176:30 pm

I was worried they were done. But, they came back. Mercifully.

Haus February 26, 20176:29 pm

Enjoying the Kingsman throwback here.

specialk February 26, 20176:29 pm

About the brows?

Parsi February 26, 20176:29 pm

I was worried.

Parsi February 26, 20176:29 pm

The brows are back!

Parsi February 26, 20176:28 pm

Heptapod came out of the death cycle.

CLGJr February 26, 20176:27 pm

La La Land —> still Nada Land

Haus February 26, 20176:27 pm

TOGT: Arrival. La La is being swept into the background.

Haus February 26, 20176:27 pm

These all seem like good options.

Parsi February 26, 20176:27 pm

CLGJr – so much truth, it hurts.

specialk February 26, 20176:27 pm

Blades-for-feet! And the guy with masterfully-cut abs. A coincidence? I think not.

Parsi February 26, 20176:27 pm

They speak.

CLGJr February 26, 20176:27 pm

Chris Evans + Chris Pine = the new Bill Paxton + Bill Pullman

Parsi February 26, 20176:26 pm

THE BROWS!!!

specialk February 26, 20176:26 pm

Although has nobody heard of American-sized servings?

Haus February 26, 20176:26 pm

Mid-show snacks, brought to you by the UN.

Parsi February 26, 20176:26 pm

Yeah Haus, where is my All-Am?

specialk February 26, 20176:25 pm

OMG COOL!

Parsi February 26, 20176:25 pm

Could they have had a close up of bull scrotum during that speech?

CLGJr February 26, 20176:25 pm

Yes, where’s that pizza, Haus??

Haus February 26, 20176:25 pm

I am on the edge of my seat. KEEP YOUR HEAD UP! LITERALLY, PRESIDENT!

specialk February 26, 20176:24 pm

…in a Titanic-themed spray of sparkles!

Haus February 26, 20176:24 pm

If her earrings touch her necklace the world will explode.

Haus February 26, 20176:24 pm

Parsi has Adele-iberate distaste for that singer. It’s all Biel all the time for him.

Parsi February 26, 20176:24 pm

Film, the anti-45.

Parsi February 26, 20176:23 pm

She must be so proud.

Parsi February 26, 20176:22 pm

Adele won a junior Oscar? Good for her.

CLGJr February 26, 20176:22 pm

Parsi, Adele won an Oscar! EGOT, here she comes.

Parsi February 26, 20176:22 pm

Th Hassle and antisemitic bull scrotum are in a real life Face-off.

Haus February 26, 20176:22 pm

FACE/OFF, Opus Dei edition.

CLGJr February 26, 20176:22 pm

“Face replacement”

Parsi February 26, 20176:21 pm

specialK, I will pray for you. You were one of the good ones.

Haus February 26, 20176:21 pm

This AT&T ad makes me want to devote the rest of my life to watching 80s movies.

specialk February 26, 20176:21 pm

Hasselhoff goes to the same face replacement people Gibson does.

Haus February 26, 20176:21 pm

Is Big Bird even culturally relevant anymore?

CLGJr February 26, 20176:20 pm

Haus, I think you mean the VFW #413?

Haus February 26, 20176:19 pm

Coming up, a performance by Sting! Wait, is this the Oscars or the Carnival Princess?

specialk February 26, 20176:19 pm

Parsi, you’re right. He sniffed out the Mexican blood in me. It’s over.

CLGJr February 26, 20176:18 pm

bonmots

Parsi February 26, 20176:18 pm

SpecialK, that knock on the door is Kanye, he is coming to take your citizenship.

CLGJr February 26, 20176:18 pm

Haus with the first killer pun o’ the night

Haus February 26, 20176:18 pm

Don’t Moan-a if you don’t win, guys.

specialk February 26, 20176:17 pm

Ok I’m gonna say it—I’m over Hamilton. And Miranda–am I going to be struck by lightning? Is this going to invite a Beyhive-like wrath?

Parsi February 26, 20176:17 pm

PS if you haven’t watched Moana. You are not very smart.

Haus February 26, 20176:16 pm

I didn’t see Moana. But I hear from a Savage He-Dog that it’s the film to see. rockclock

Parsi February 26, 20176:16 pm

Can they just give Lin all the Oscars now?

CLGJr February 26, 20176:16 pm

The Rock and LMM: national trezhures.

Parsi February 26, 20176:15 pm

But, Rock killed Legend’s bat, so he has got that going for him.

Parsi February 26, 20176:15 pm

Rock, you can do no wrong.

Parsi February 26, 20176:14 pm

Haus, did your rock make an appearance as well?

specialk February 26, 20176:14 pm

Were they ever WITH you?

Parsi February 26, 20176:13 pm

Prison joke. Not killing.

CLGJr February 26, 20176:13 pm

daaaaamn, specialK

specialk February 26, 20176:13 pm

I don’t want any more Kimmel.

Parsi February 26, 20176:13 pm

He is giving the speech Ali, should have given.

specialk February 26, 20176:13 pm

“I wanna thank all the fish that gave their scales for my colleague’s mermaid dress.”

Haus February 26, 20176:12 pm

OJ: Made in America. A literal eight hour long movie.

Parsi February 26, 20176:12 pm

“truth-umentary”

CLGJr February 26, 20176:11 pm

TOGT: OJ. Not even a real “movie”

CLGJr February 26, 20176:11 pm

Agreed

Parsi February 26, 20176:11 pm

This is a great set of nominees.

CLGJr February 26, 20176:10 pm

Taraji needs to move. She’s got some unintentional cat ears.

Parsi February 26, 20176:10 pm

them brows though.

Parsi February 26, 20176:09 pm

I caught some Sofia brow, hold on a moment.

CLGJr February 26, 20176:09 pm

“I Am Not Your Negro” should win. OJ will in a very ironic turn.

Parsi February 26, 20176:09 pm

specialK you may be right.

specialk February 26, 20176:08 pm

A teenage girl from 1988?

Parsi February 26, 20176:08 pm

Totally random.

Parsi February 26, 20176:08 pm

Is there a jukebox that anyone can feed a quarter?

Parsi February 26, 20176:07 pm

Who is making these music choices?

Parsi February 26, 20176:06 pm

TheOtherParsi is killing it.

Parsi February 26, 20176:05 pm

Each add for the Goldbergs makes me want to watch that show less, I am not sure how they can continue to get worse when my desire was already negative.

Haus February 26, 20176:05 pm

TheOtherParsi: It’s a thankless job, but someone’s gotta eat all this pizza.

Haus February 26, 20176:04 pm

Rolex is calling in all that product placement. Avengers ASSEMBLE!

CLGJr February 26, 20176:04 pm

Rolex: The Horror!

Parsi February 26, 20176:04 pm

Do people still wear watches?

Haus February 26, 20176:04 pm

Harshon Ford.

Parsi February 26, 20176:03 pm

Cadillac with the anti-45.

Parsi February 26, 20176:03 pm

Haus, harshing.

specialk February 26, 20176:03 pm

Easy, boys.

Haus February 26, 20176:02 pm

Hidden Figures. Also the label on Octavia’s dress.

Parsi February 26, 20176:02 pm

MIP music, bold bold choice.

specialk February 26, 20176:02 pm

Under. Under 2.

Parsi February 26, 20176:02 pm

Sting, he is magic.

Parsi February 26, 20176:01 pm

La la over or under 9?

CLGJr February 26, 20176:01 pm

The look on Colin Farrell’s face must be the same on Damien C’s

specialk February 26, 20176:01 pm

Will it be a night of upsets??

Haus February 26, 20176:01 pm

Beasts deny the La La Sweep!!

specialk February 26, 20176:01 pm

oOOOOOO

CLGJr February 26, 20176:01 pm

The Sweep is DENIED.

Haus February 26, 20176:00 pm

I call Jackie on this one ALTHOUGH they’re just picked from the actual photos.

CLGJr February 26, 20176:00 pm

Parsi, daaaaamn

Parsi February 26, 20176:00 pm

Man, Adele is walking people off stage. How quickly she fell.

Haus February 26, 20175:59 pm

Of all the stuff on offer, immigrants tonight got a wall, a canceled visa, and … SUICIDE SQUAD.

Parsi February 26, 20175:59 pm

PRO IMMIGRANT! take it all back.

Parsi February 26, 20175:59 pm

did he steal those glasses from the Optometrist?

Haus February 26, 20175:59 pm

“This manorexic juggalo,” Honest Trailers re: Leto’s Joker.

specialk February 26, 20175:59 pm

Ok I do love this speech.

Parsi February 26, 20175:58 pm

Suicide Squad, that film should be denied an Oscar for being butchered in the cutting room.

CLGJr February 26, 20175:58 pm

From now on we have to say “The Oscar-winning film ‘Suicide Squad'”

specialk February 26, 20175:58 pm

Jeez, was that guy a character in the film??

Haus February 26, 20175:58 pm

TOGT: SUICIDE SQUAD. Every male on the academy clicked the “MARGOT ROBBIE” button.

specialk February 26, 20175:58 pm

REALLY?

CLGJr February 26, 20175:58 pm

Ewwwwwww Suicide Squad!

Haus February 26, 20175:57 pm

“That’s not it.” Nice Bateman

Parsi February 26, 20175:57 pm

Bateman was my costar in the Kingdom.

specialk February 26, 20175:57 pm

Uh oh, just when I left the room…

CLGJr February 26, 20175:57 pm

Why did they walk out to the theme from St. Elmo’s Fire??

Haus February 26, 20175:56 pm

KATE MCKINNON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Haus February 26, 20175:56 pm

Kimmel doing the current affairs joke. CNN, exeunt.

CLGJr February 26, 20175:55 pm

He shoulda asked Jeff about his squarespace bowl

Haus February 26, 20175:55 pm

Kimmel has returned.

Parsi February 26, 20175:53 pm

Um, Samsung, millennials make movies for attention and that youtube money.

specialk February 26, 20175:52 pm

More toned down than I expected. I wanted him unleashed. It’s ok, I’m glad he won.

Parsi February 26, 20175:51 pm

Personal, Ali, DISAPPOINTED.

CLGJr February 26, 20175:51 pm

peaceandblessings

Haus February 26, 20175:51 pm

Called it.

Haus February 26, 20175:51 pm

OtherParsi: Yes, that’s how you do it. comments

CLGJr February 26, 20175:50 pm

Wait for it, Haus

Parsi February 26, 20175:50 pm

Ali is also great in Luke Cage.

Haus February 26, 20175:50 pm

I have a feeling Ali will just make this about himself and his craft. We will see.

CLGJr February 26, 20175:50 pm

Thanking teachers and profs first = ✔️

specialk February 26, 20175:49 pm

Please bring it Ali. Bring it.

Parsi February 26, 20175:49 pm

ALI with the win. I hope there are no ICE agents in the audience.

specialk February 26, 20175:49 pm

Fantastic.

Haus February 26, 20175:49 pm

Big surprise, here comes the sweep.

CLGJr February 26, 20175:49 pm

YASSSS, Remy killed it.

Haus February 26, 20175:49 pm

TOGT: ALI.

Haus February 26, 20175:48 pm

Michael Shannon was good also. I would support that. I do think it’ll go to Ali and Moonlight though.

Parsi February 26, 20175:48 pm

That is what Man by the Sea handed out to get a nod.

Parsi February 26, 20175:48 pm

basementbusiness

Haus February 26, 20175:47 pm

Jeff Bridges all the way. He was excellent in this.

CLGJr February 26, 20175:46 pm

She does look a little overdone with the ultratviolet rays, Haus, no?

Haus February 26, 20175:46 pm

Vikander just says no to makeup and hair.

Parsi February 26, 20175:46 pm

Have you seen the Waltz spinning ukulele film? do yourself a favor.

specialk February 26, 20175:46 pm

Nah Parsi, he’s cloaked in the hides of immigrants.

Haus February 26, 20175:45 pm

VIKANDER!!!!!!!

CLGJr February 26, 20175:44 pm

Ali, Ali, Ali.

Parsi February 26, 20175:44 pm

I am certain antisemitic bull scrotum is wearing Ivanka.

CLGJr February 26, 20175:44 pm

No tweets yet. Sad!

Parsi February 26, 20175:43 pm

20 Oscar nominations almost equal to the number of bankruptcies for 45.

Haus February 26, 20175:43 pm

Worst seat at the Oscars? Right behind Halle Berry.

Parsi February 26, 20175:42 pm

45shade

specialk February 26, 20175:42 pm

I’m glad I got the idea before CLGJr turned to visual demonstrations.

Parsi February 26, 20175:42 pm

He has a nice plump lady with him.

Haus February 26, 20175:42 pm

Viggo looks like Ed Harris tonight.

CLGJr February 26, 20175:42 pm

Captain Fantastic, awwww. My first time.

Parsi February 26, 20175:42 pm

I was uncomfortable, and I am 2k miles away.

Haus February 26, 20175:41 pm

Spiderman went on a diet.

specialk February 26, 20175:41 pm

Loose definition of “horror” but I’ll take it.

Parsi February 26, 20175:41 pm

Elle is the first horror film to get a nomination.

CLGJr February 26, 20175:41 pm

Parsi, I just had to explain that to specialK. It was uncomfortable.

Haus February 26, 20175:41 pm

Thanks Parsi.

Parsi February 26, 20175:40 pm

goodnight America.

Parsi February 26, 20175:40 pm

Moonlight handjob joke.

specialk February 26, 20175:40 pm

If only he did. Maybe we wouldn’t have to hear these jokes.

Haus February 26, 20175:40 pm

Jeff Bezos could buy this entire room.

Parsi February 26, 20175:40 pm

45sowhite

CLGJr February 26, 20175:38 pm

i do like the Great Wall joke readmareview

Parsi February 26, 20175:38 pm

proving again, walls, never work.

Haus February 26, 20175:38 pm

80 million dollars…. SO FAR.

Parsi February 26, 20175:38 pm

No, a douche provides a service.

CLGJr February 26, 20175:37 pm

Sarah Silverman dodged a BULLET.

Haus February 26, 20175:37 pm

This is not the guy who ruffled Trump’s hairdo. At least not the one on his head.

Parsi February 26, 20175:37 pm

Mel looks like a leather handbag, with nothing in the pockets.

specialk February 26, 20175:37 pm

Kimmel is such a douche.

Haus February 26, 20175:37 pm

This is the guy who ruffled Trump’s hairdo.

Parsi February 26, 20175:36 pm

When does 45 put up his first tweet?

CLGJr February 26, 20175:36 pm

Millions of Americans?? Only FOUR matter tonight.

CLGJr February 26, 20175:36 pm

Jiminy Cricket?

Parsi February 26, 20175:35 pm

Kimmel losing the bat wars, but winning the velvet vest wars.

specialk February 26, 20175:35 pm

Zing Haus. Dead on.

Haus February 26, 20175:35 pm

The Oscars tonight will be hosted by Jimmy Kimmel and crickets.

specialk February 26, 20175:35 pm

Literally with one well-timed high kick.

Parsi February 26, 20175:35 pm

Sting went tantirc too long and his hairline suffered.

specialk February 26, 20175:34 pm

Was that Jackie Chan presiding over his kingdom?

CLGJr February 26, 20175:34 pm

Jackie Chan is gonna kill someone from the rafters.

Haus February 26, 20175:34 pm

Sting dancing like every suburban dad who still streams his songs.

Parsi February 26, 20175:34 pm

Biel! Biel appeal!

Haus February 26, 20175:34 pm

WELCOME TO THE OSCARS! Haus, SpecialK, and CLGJr are live blogging in an UNDISCLOSED SILICON VALLEY LOCATION. Parsi is joining from The City at the End of the World. We’ll be here with you all night.

Parsi February 26, 20175:33 pm

Kidman, gave her rhythm to the devil to get skin the color of paper.

CLGJr February 26, 20175:33 pm

Just make Justin the host.

Parsi February 26, 20175:33 pm

I want the Hassle to present pant less.

Haus February 26, 20175:32 pm

I would like Hasselhoff to present every award in double denim.

Parsi February 26, 20175:32 pm

SpecialK with the win.

CLGJr February 26, 20175:32 pm

Please let Kimmel come out in a Canadian tux.

specialk February 26, 20175:32 pm

At this point you’ll definitely be alone with both your Stones.

CLGJr February 26, 20175:31 pm

Parsi getting rull savage

Parsi February 26, 20175:31 pm

But, the truth, is the truth.

Parsi February 26, 20175:31 pm

sorry SpecialK.

Haus February 26, 20175:31 pm

Parsi, it’ll be great until Biel photobombs. You’ll be like a retriever chasing a stick and I’ll be alone with both Stones. Actually, I agree.

Parsi February 26, 20175:31 pm

Opening with the music of Troll. A movie that involved a Troll queeffing glitter.

specialk February 26, 20175:31 pm

UM PARSI I’m RIGHT HERE.

specialk February 26, 20175:30 pm

Oh I really hope someone falls. I mean I hope nobody falls…

specialk February 26, 20175:30 pm

I love this song!

Parsi February 26, 20175:28 pm

Don’t worry Haus we can go on a Stone double date.

Parsi February 26, 20175:27 pm

He borrowed his teeth, so yes.

specialk February 26, 20175:26 pm

Her gold shoulder flowers got caught up in it. They were loosened just in time.

CLGJr February 26, 20175:26 pm

Did Michael Strahan study at the Michael Tyson School of Diction?

Haus February 26, 20175:26 pm

They dragged her through his tooth-gap to wake up.

Haus February 26, 20175:25 pm

Okay. Buckle up folks, here come the Oscars.

specialk February 26, 20175:25 pm

They had to send Strahan up to make sure Roberts was awake.

CLGJr February 26, 20175:25 pm

SHOWTIME

Parsi February 26, 20175:25 pm

Haus is a Spencer man. so it goes.

Haus February 26, 20175:25 pm

Bro Stone looks like sis Emma.

Haus February 26, 20175:24 pm

Parsi continues twitching in the corner. Biel! Biel!

Parsi February 26, 20175:24 pm

I was blinded by the beauty.

Parsi February 26, 20175:24 pm

BIEL STONE! IT IS HAPPENING.

Haus February 26, 20175:24 pm

incabomb. Biel the Sun God just crashed that interview

Parsi February 26, 20175:24 pm

Everyone loses that battle.

CLGJr February 26, 20175:23 pm

“It’s good to see yooooou!” – tfw you just wanna go sit down and not be asked inane questions

specialk February 26, 20175:23 pm

Goodwin vs Negga – the battle of the red Victorian dresses.

Parsi February 26, 20175:22 pm

Yes, nominating an antisemitic bull scrotum is a win. ,

CLGJr February 26, 20175:22 pm

He’s got those Winona eyes goin’ on.

Haus February 26, 20175:22 pm

Mel Gibson looks like someone dipped a GI Joe into clarified butter and pancake makeup.

Parsi February 26, 20175:22 pm

so sauced.

CLGJr February 26, 20175:21 pm

Mel is SAUCED.

Parsi February 26, 20175:21 pm

Good review, overrated movie.

specialk February 26, 20175:21 pm

Robin is increasingly spacing out. I think she’s hit a wall.

Parsi February 26, 20175:21 pm

over…rated!

Haus February 26, 20175:21 pm

SiblingHaus commentary: “Jamie Dornan is doing everything stylistically possible to distance himself from “50 Shades Darker”, even if it means avoiding his tailor and mis-using his ConAir clippers.

CLGJr February 26, 20175:21 pm

watch it, parsi. and read my damn review. it’s GOOD. (the movie, that is.)

Parsi February 26, 20175:20 pm

Man by the Sea. I had water works at the end, because I sat through the whole things.

Parsi February 26, 20175:19 pm

alas, no, I earned that, by showing up.

Haus February 26, 20175:18 pm

Parsi, did she get you that starring role in The Kingdom?

CLGJr February 26, 20175:18 pm

specialK, she hasn’t gotten over the final scene from Manchester. Water. Works.

Parsi February 26, 20175:18 pm

Biz, is there to hold her hands. a shoulder to cry on.

Parsi February 26, 20175:18 pm

I have known her since high school.

specialk February 26, 20175:17 pm

Michelle Williams looks like she’s on the verge of tears.

Parsi February 26, 20175:17 pm

Biz Phillips!

specialk February 26, 20175:17 pm

Super genuine. Even despite the receipt paper roll dress.

Parsi February 26, 20175:16 pm

call the cops, the carpet is red with the blood of her enemies.

Parsi February 26, 20175:16 pm

Harris. Killing. It.

CLGJr February 26, 20175:14 pm

More like BAE-watch.

Haus February 26, 20175:14 pm

SiblingHaus commentary: “Nothing could be as UN-jazz as Gosling’s understated Liberace. verycanadian ounceofflounce bacciliberace

Parsi February 26, 20175:14 pm

Legend’s bat is crying.

specialk February 26, 20175:13 pm

Can we just leave this camera on them. Just for a few minutes. Thanks. Hello Dwayne. Let’s chat.

Parsi February 26, 20175:13 pm

The Rock conquered a bigger bat.

Haus February 26, 20175:13 pm

The Rock is in the house.

CLGJr February 26, 20175:13 pm

Velvet UnderArmour

Parsi February 26, 20175:13 pm

Denz can show up 15 minutes after the Oscars start and he would still be early.

Haus February 26, 20175:13 pm

Dakota looks like some surveillance statue the CIA stashed in Trump’s hotel room

specialk February 26, 20175:13 pm

Denzel could say literally anything and I’ll laugh.

Parsi February 26, 20175:12 pm

she was a gluten free vegan, she almost died. that is true.

CLGJr February 26, 20175:12 pm

MY MAN™️

specialk February 26, 20175:11 pm

Denzel’s wife chose a morning bun ‘do. Bold, but it works.

Parsi February 26, 20175:11 pm

Zooey is so 2005

CLGJr February 26, 20175:11 pm

Is Zooey Deschanel the apotheosis of the mpdgirl?

Haus February 26, 20175:10 pm

Guy Pierce looks ancient AF.

Haus February 26, 20175:10 pm

CLG, they exist only in Manic Dream Girls.

Parsi February 26, 20175:10 pm

I put a Biel Stone on it.

CLGJr February 26, 20175:09 pm

Excuse me, Haus. The Pixies exist outside of “Fight Club” doolittle

Haus February 26, 20175:09 pm

Parsi’s love of Jessica Biel has left him twitching in a corner and uttering only her surname. Usually this doesn’t happen at least until Best Editing.

Haus February 26, 20175:08 pm

Virtual Reality doesn’t need the Fight Club soundtrack to be in. adcommentary

Parsi February 26, 20175:08 pm

Because she wore my eyes

Parsi February 26, 20175:08 pm

Biel

CLGJr February 26, 20175:08 pm

best dress so far? i vote K-Dunst.

Haus February 26, 20175:07 pm

Naomie Harris’s dress just came out of the fax machine.

Parsi February 26, 20175:07 pm

his bow tie is scared of Legend’s bow tie.

Haus February 26, 20175:07 pm

Parsi, it was an honor just to be nominated. And then shaved.

CLGJr February 26, 20175:07 pm

Harvard boyz are the worst at humblebrags, amirite Haus and specialK??

Parsi February 26, 20175:06 pm

the real loser is facial hair on men

Parsi February 26, 20175:06 pm

Chazelle – I will say I am nervous, to pretend I dont know I am going to win 9 or more Oscars

Haus February 26, 20175:06 pm

Chazelle’s bow tie just gave me WHIPLASH.

CLGJr February 26, 20175:06 pm

I thought men had facial hair more substantial than a 13 yo boy.

specialk February 26, 20175:06 pm

Oh I like this dude’s outfit. Sharp.

Haus February 26, 20175:05 pm

If Theron wears those giant earrings all night, she’ll have Warren Buffett earlobes before Best Director.

specialk February 26, 20175:05 pm

D-d-d-dress

Parsi February 26, 20175:05 pm

Charlize is ageless, maybe the stones in those earnings reverse the aging process.

Haus February 26, 20175:05 pm

I dig Theron’s Max Headroom hairdo, but less so the dress.

specialk February 26, 20175:04 pm

Theron–wearing a prom dress from 1996. Like a boss.

Haus February 26, 20175:04 pm

Nicole Kidman borrowed her colorway from a mid-90s tower computer.

Parsi February 26, 20175:04 pm

Biel is a golden tree.

specialk February 26, 20175:03 pm

neutralish beige–the color of mothers

Haus February 26, 20175:03 pm

Kidman says “sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.” Translation: “Sometimes you marry Tom Cruise, and sometimes you don’t.”

CLGJr February 26, 20175:03 pm

Haus, you forgot the studio. Never forget the studio in your citation.

Parsi February 26, 20175:02 pm

Nicole Kidman, her hair, and her dress are all the same color.

CLGJr February 26, 20175:02 pm

Keith Urban has rocked the Kate Goselin longer than its namesake goodonyamate

Haus February 26, 20175:02 pm

Parsi is gunning for the System of Legal Citation to win most dramatic cameo. See, e.g., “Get Out” (2017).

CLGJr February 26, 20175:01 pm

Mel Gibson looks like an animated Mdme Toussaud’s reject specimen.

Parsi February 26, 20175:01 pm

Also, can we talk about the Bluebook winning best supporting actor for Get Out?

Haus February 26, 20175:01 pm

Meryl Streep has Secret Service protection tonight. As in, protection from Trump’s actual Secret Service.

specialk February 26, 20175:01 pm

Does Mel know where he is?

Haus February 26, 20175:00 pm

Brie Larson is too hipster to be mainstream and that is why she is hipster.

CLGJr February 26, 20175:00 pm

Brie Larson can truly do no wrong.

Parsi February 26, 20175:00 pm

Brie Larson. She is the common woman’s common woman.

specialk February 26, 20175:00 pm

Haus: KATE MACKINNON

CLGJr February 26, 20174:59 pm

Who’s more relatable? JLaw, Emma Stone, or Brie Larson?

Haus February 26, 20174:58 pm

JLaw has taken the fight to Snow. It’s a whiteout.

Parsi February 26, 20174:58 pm

I would watch it thrice in the theater and but the 4K Bluray.

specialk February 26, 20174:58 pm

Is this the first Oscars where J-Law isn’t the main topic of conversation? I guess we haven’t seen her fall yet this year.

Parsi February 26, 20174:58 pm

I would watch a movie of Gosling and Stone eat scones with goslings.

Parsi February 26, 20174:57 pm

Emma Stone. Nothing More, just Emma. More Emma. Less everything else.

Parsi February 26, 20174:56 pm

Kidman she wears the tears of Hillary voters.

Haus February 26, 20174:56 pm

Affleck blames derelicte on work. On Monday, I will bathe in sewage and try the same.

Parsi February 26, 20174:55 pm

I was sad it didn’t end after he killed his family.

CLGJr February 26, 20174:55 pm

“Most interesting, smartest, funniest people living there.” Awww, thanks for mentioning me, Casey!

Parsi February 26, 20174:55 pm

everyone said, it just gets sadder.

specialk February 26, 20174:55 pm

I think he’s doing the Alicia Keys “no makeup” movement. But he’s taking it to the next level. nogrooming

Haus February 26, 20174:54 pm

Affleck looks like a literal bum.

Parsi February 26, 20174:54 pm

also Man by the Sea – so so so so so overrated.

CLGJr February 26, 20174:54 pm

Parsi: OUCH

Parsi February 26, 20174:54 pm

Casey Affleck lost his home

Haus February 26, 20174:54 pm

“there’s a man, in back of this place. He’s the one who’s doing it.”

Parsi February 26, 20174:54 pm

the ruffles are trying to tame the bat

Parsi February 26, 20174:53 pm

and those ruffles.

CLGJr February 26, 20174:53 pm

Bold ruffles, Ryan.

specialk February 26, 20174:53 pm

As does his scruff.

Haus February 26, 20174:53 pm

KATE MCKINNON: PRESENTER. 2017 is a great time to be alive. I disavow all previous comments.

CLGJr February 26, 20174:53 pm

SHE’S PRESENTING! I CALLED IT!

Parsi February 26, 20174:53 pm

His eyes deserve an Oscar.

Parsi February 26, 20174:52 pm

How is Gosling so dreamy?

Haus February 26, 20174:52 pm

SpecialK literally gasped when Gosling came on screen. Clearly forgot his singing.

Parsi February 26, 20174:52 pm

Shhh. No one is supposed to know.

specialk February 26, 20174:52 pm

**Audible gasp**

CLGJr February 26, 20174:52 pm

Parsi are you the real Arnold? imisswestworld

Haus February 26, 20174:52 pm

SiblingHaus contribution: “Dakota Johnson came as an ornament from Trump’s ensuite. 89thoscarscostumeparty

specialk February 26, 20174:52 pm

Welcome back, Parsi. We knew a robot slam would get you.

Parsi February 26, 20174:51 pm

Robot hate is unacceptable. Will no one stand up for the Robots?

Haus February 26, 20174:51 pm

Karlie Kloss is a posehard of epic proportions tonight. Hogging RC ground zero with a SELFIE STICK. 2017 is a bad time to be alive.

CLGJr February 26, 20174:48 pm

What robot gave its eye for that god awful selfie stick?

Haus February 26, 20174:48 pm

Karlie Kloss needs to stop with the selfie stick stat.

Haus February 26, 20174:48 pm

The EIC of People is talking about RIP Paxton. But tone-wise, it’s like he’s slightly wistful that the honey mustard ran out at the golf club

CLGJr February 26, 20174:47 pm

Boomerang videos are so millennial. Good job, Jess Cagle!

specialk February 26, 20174:47 pm

Woah who is in the Mardi Gras suit in the background

Haus February 26, 20174:46 pm

Strahan is the creature from the Velvet Folds.

Haus February 26, 20174:46 pm

MJ Fox! Uh hey doc… Are you telling me… we’re going to build a time machine… out of a DELOREAN?

CLGJr February 26, 20174:45 pm

Notice how they just glided over “The Shack.” That movie’s gonna break records for unalloyed nonsense.

specialk February 26, 20174:45 pm

Lul we need more SiblingHaus

Haus February 26, 20174:44 pm

SiblingHaus slam: “Casey Affleck stylist this evening, and every evening : https://careergear.org/ – A suit, a second chance”

Haus February 26, 20174:44 pm

SiblingHaus comment: “Emma Stone looks good as the Fantasia Broom.”

specialk February 26, 20174:44 pm

Does anyone know what Octavia Spencer is wearing tonight? I haven’t seen it yet.

Haus February 26, 20174:41 pm

“Active Naturals”? That doesn’t sound like shampoo. adcommentary

CLGJr February 26, 20174:38 pm

specialK: modified baby crown

specialk February 26, 20174:37 pm

Necklace, choker, or metal wreath?

CLGJr February 26, 20174:37 pm

Ms. Monae’s eyebrows are on some serious fleek.

Haus February 26, 20174:36 pm

Lin Manuel Miranda is on the EGOT warpath.

Haus February 26, 20174:35 pm

Hulk Haus say: You wouldn’t like me when I’m Vikangry.

specialk February 26, 20174:34 pm

She is literally ageless.

CLGJr February 26, 20174:34 pm

Halle Berry can even pull off the Bride of Frankenstein look.

specialk February 26, 20174:33 pm

Speaking of battles–the war of the gold sheaths! Biel vs Roberts

CLGJr February 26, 20174:33 pm

Oh yeah??? Haus, wanna cash me ousside, bro? HOW BOUT DAH?

specialk February 26, 20174:32 pm

CLGJr I think you’re only still alive right now bc Haus is away from his computer. I expect a battle over Vikander shortly.

CLGJr February 26, 20174:31 pm

Alicia Vikander = goddess 💯

specialk February 26, 20174:29 pm

Laughing so hard now because I JUST noticed why Haus was chuckling to himself. laughingatyourownjokes

CLGJr February 26, 20174:28 pm

idontgetit

Haus February 26, 20174:28 pm

Snickers CRISPR. It edits your DNA while you snack. sciencejoke

CLGJr February 26, 20174:27 pm

Yum, get me one, Parsi 🍔🍔🍔

Haus February 26, 20174:26 pm

Any bets where Parsi is? My money is on the drive thru, snagging a McKinley mac.

Haus February 26, 20174:25 pm

Huppert: It’s hard to explain who your character is in two minutes, sure, but even harder if you take a minute of the two in a verbal MC Escher stairwell.

CLGJr February 26, 20174:25 pm

It’s OOO-paaaaair.

Haus February 26, 20174:24 pm

Presenters are playing hot potato with the hot mic

specialk February 26, 20174:24 pm

Sting get OUT OF HERE, where is VINCE

Haus February 26, 20174:24 pm

Stzings.

specialk February 26, 20174:24 pm

OMG VINCE VAUGHN

specialk February 26, 20174:24 pm

So many zings.

CLGJr February 26, 20174:23 pm

I’m on the *edge* of my seat to see if Sting wins.

Haus February 26, 20174:23 pm

Sting wrote a song called “the empty chair.” He was inspired when he gazed upon the audience at his latest show.

Haus February 26, 20174:22 pm

John Cho looks like the valet just backed his hybrid into the lagoon.

CLGJr February 26, 20174:22 pm

Harold gets to present? No Kumar? Sad!

Haus February 26, 20174:22 pm

OMG KATE MCKINNNONNNNNN. Probably not, unforts.

CLGJr February 26, 20174:21 pm

Hey Haus, is KATE MCKINNON presenting tonight? I wanna see you squeal.

Haus February 26, 20174:18 pm

You know who’s edgy? Chrissy Tiegen! This is commentary, people. Let’s talk about the deep-V plunge and her handsome arm candy. Women, this is your time. oscarssowoke

CLGJr February 26, 20174:18 pm

Chrissy Tiegen and John Legend: surfbort

specialk February 26, 20174:17 pm

How much did Chrissy T. pay these people for air time tonight?

CLGJr February 26, 20174:16 pm

Haus with the DEEP CUT.

Haus February 26, 20174:16 pm

Wow. Casey Affleck looks like the guy behind Winkie’s in Mulholland Drive

CLGJr February 26, 20174:16 pm

Hedges gave all his hair to Casey’s face. Good nephew.

Haus February 26, 20174:15 pm

I’m surprised we can even see Lucas Hedges, given all the Hidden Fences in play tonight.

CLGJr February 26, 20174:14 pm

CHIRONs! One of them should’ve been nominated.

specialk February 26, 20174:13 pm

Teresa Palmer…Haus, cover your eyes.

CLGJr February 26, 20174:13 pm

Matthew Damon: Trying to keep people distracted from that dumpster fire known as The Great Wall.

specialk February 26, 20174:12 pm

GET IT Sunny!

CLGJr February 26, 20174:12 pm

How many times with Dev run his hands through that hurr tonight? A million. A million.

Haus February 26, 20174:12 pm

I can imagine the film without Patel. It’s called spend two hours on Google Earth and look at a photo of Kidman.

specialk February 26, 20174:11 pm

I love him. talldarkandhandsome

Haus February 26, 20174:11 pm

I ain’t got not haribo. The only thing gummy up in here is me bon mots. They stick to IT ALL.

Haus February 26, 20174:11 pm

Dream Big and visit California, people. Also, people need to stop saying “walla” for “voila.” That’s not the pronunciation anywhere, ever. adcommentary

CLGJr February 26, 20174:10 pm

Hey Haus, you got any Haribo in here? I could use some Twin 🍒 rn.

specialk February 26, 20174:09 pm

Yeah her guns are outrageous. Guns and gold.

Haus February 26, 20174:08 pm

oscarssowhite, good thing “Hidden Fences” came out this year. Nice job, silver fox presenter.

CLGJr February 26, 20174:07 pm

Robin always supports the 2d amend. Keep the safety on those guns, lady!

Parsi February 26, 20174:06 pm

Merci

specialk February 26, 20174:06 pm

Look at her mad side eye

Haus February 26, 20174:06 pm

Parsi good call with the dead bat bow tie.

Parsi February 26, 20174:06 pm

them brows.

Parsi February 26, 20174:06 pm

Sofia – killing the brow and bird game.

CLGJr February 26, 20174:05 pm

Michael S. *crushing* that velvet. Ow ow.

Haus February 26, 20174:05 pm

The Velvet Emperor is back!

specialk February 26, 20174:05 pm

I watched a vid of the top ten Oscar bait films of last year. Hacksaw Ridge was def on there–as was that one about that dude’s long halftime show walk–I forgot that even happened.

Parsi February 26, 20174:05 pm

they should take Mel’s old oscars away

CLGJr February 26, 20174:04 pm

I’m seeing a lot of spray tan on that mermaid. The president does need his supply, y’all.

Haus February 26, 20174:04 pm

Hacksaw needs to lose everything there is to lose.

Parsi February 26, 20174:04 pm

Human life, so much human life. Hollywood is human life.

specialk February 26, 20174:03 pm

“Hold on let me pull out the script…”

Parsi February 26, 20174:03 pm

5 to 1

Haus February 26, 20174:03 pm

I’ll take a go-around.

Parsi February 26, 20174:03 pm

As long as Hacksaw loses everything, I will be fine.

CLGJr February 26, 20174:03 pm

Odds on the shade that Emma will throw at Andy when she wins and he goes home with nothing, conscientiously?

Parsi February 26, 20174:02 pm

Haus: good approach, poor landing.

Haus February 26, 20174:02 pm

Well, no chance Gosling would win for that singing.

CLGJr February 26, 20174:02 pm

Chrissy T. is way too cool. She should leave Johnny and be with me.

Parsi February 26, 20174:02 pm

Tiegan with the boob attack

specialk February 26, 20174:02 pm

She’s being assaulted–PS how drunk is Legend right now?

Haus February 26, 20174:02 pm

Parsi: If she’s the Inca sun god, I shall be a Spanish landing party.

CLGJr February 26, 20174:02 pm

Would tonight make the EGOT? Too bad you already called the La La sweep. City of Stars (snoooooze) will win.

Parsi February 26, 20174:01 pm

OTRC the Deuce

Haus February 26, 20174:01 pm

Lin Manuel Miranda is laying a scaffold of gladhandery for his EGOT

CLGJr February 26, 20174:01 pm

Got a glimpse of that Gosling jacket. Hey girl, I have that at home, too.

Parsi February 26, 20174:01 pm

She is not the Inca sun god?

Parsi February 26, 20174:00 pm

Will and should

Haus February 26, 20174:00 pm

Taraji is mugging hard on this carpet. Biel looks like the Inca sun god.

CLGJr February 26, 20174:00 pm

Double up, Parsi?

Haus February 26, 20174:00 pm

Parsi has confused the best actress predictions with the short story “the lottery.”

Parsi February 26, 20173:59 pm

I am going to double up on Patel

specialk February 26, 20173:58 pm

Loved Hell or High Water.

Parsi February 26, 20173:58 pm

Haus I agree great picture, but Moonlight is way out of the box.

Parsi February 26, 20173:57 pm

Actress: Stone Stone. Everybody must get stoned.

Haus February 26, 20173:57 pm

Personally I would like Hell or High Water to win. That was an excellent picture.

Haus February 26, 20173:57 pm

The Red Carpet is dead. Long live the Red Carpet.

specialk February 26, 20173:56 pm

Lul CLGJr

Parsi February 26, 20173:56 pm

Actor Denz Denz

CLGJr February 26, 20173:56 pm

Is that JT’s kissin’ cousin from Tennessee?

Haus February 26, 20173:55 pm

These announcers are trying to make Octavia Spencer’s clearly silver dress into 2017’s answer to “what color is the dress.” Problem is, it’s clearly silver. QED

CLGJr February 26, 20173:55 pm

Pic: Will – La La / Should – Moonlight
Director: Will – Barry Jenkins / Should – Barry Jenkins
Actor: Will – Ben Affleck’s brother / Should – Denzel “My Man”
Actress: Will – Emma Stone / Should – Nat Nat
Supp Actor: Will and Should – Mahershela Ali
Supp Actress: Will and Should – Viola Davis

Parsi February 26, 20173:55 pm

I say the same with Director

specialk February 26, 20173:55 pm

Will–Blah Blah Land

Should-The Conjuring 2

Haus February 26, 20173:55 pm

Dev Patel doing the goldfinger. Who wants to be a MILLINERRR

specialk February 26, 20173:54 pm

Look at all those nocial people in the background

Haus February 26, 20173:54 pm

LA LA LAND SWEEP

Parsi February 26, 20173:53 pm

Will – La La Land should – Moonlight

CLGJr February 26, 20173:53 pm

Gimme your “will win” and “should win” for Pic, Director, and the four acting categories.

Parsi February 26, 20173:52 pm

specialK I am on board! Get Out for Best Picture 2018!

CLGJr February 26, 20173:52 pm

Alright, can I get nerdy here for a sec? LET’S CEMENT SOME PREDICTS.

Parsi February 26, 20173:52 pm

someone should tell JT the side of his hair has migrated to the front of his face.

specialk February 26, 20173:51 pm

You’re exposing a crucial problem CLGJr–I haven’t seen many nominated films since the Academy STILL refuses to acknowledge the magic of horror films.

CLGJr February 26, 20173:51 pm

She’s at one with those ostrich feathers.

Parsi February 26, 20173:51 pm

specialK – nice.

specialk February 26, 20173:50 pm

…these are the Dunst of our lives…

CLGJr February 26, 20173:50 pm

Hey now. She was in Hidden Fences, SpecialK!

Parsi February 26, 20173:50 pm

Paxton shout-out 1

Parsi February 26, 20173:50 pm

Truth.

specialk February 26, 20173:50 pm

Kirsten Dunst–who knew she was even still around. Well done, lady, well done.

Parsi February 26, 20173:50 pm

Dunst dressed like an hour glass. The sands of time.

specialk February 26, 20173:49 pm

It’s like he asked himself what was the worst part of facial hair to keep on his face

Parsi February 26, 20173:49 pm

OTRC Fashion says big bow-ties are not in, seems like they missed the memo.

specialk February 26, 20173:49 pm

Lul Haus and CLG Jr

CLGJr February 26, 20173:48 pm

Nice Billy Bob soul patch, Kevin!

Parsi February 26, 20173:48 pm

makes sense.

Parsi February 26, 20173:48 pm

T. Howard, wants comfort.

Haus February 26, 20173:48 pm

But not the hustle.

Parsi February 26, 20173:48 pm

it keeps him warm and fashion forward.

Haus February 26, 20173:47 pm

Terence Howard knows what it’s like to be nervous. But he also knows what it’s like to wear a badass duvet cover.

CLGJr February 26, 20173:47 pm

Terrance took the FLOW out of his hotel curtains.

Parsi February 26, 20173:47 pm

So, who is going to start hyping Get Out for the 2018 OSCARS?

Parsi February 26, 20173:46 pm

If only you could send your drink digitally.

Parsi February 26, 20173:45 pm

Do you think the OTRC crew is providing commentary for the blind?

Parsi February 26, 20173:44 pm

PEOPLE ON THE RED CARPET! So CROWDED! PEOPLE!

CLGJr February 26, 20173:44 pm

Word of mouth also told us about Hidden Fences. Where dat?

Parsi February 26, 20173:43 pm

She is wearing a very expensive necklace, or so it seems.

Haus February 26, 20173:43 pm

Henson just told the punchline to a joke we never heard.

CLGJr February 26, 20173:43 pm

COOKIE!

Parsi February 26, 20173:43 pm

Lots of talk about computers taking people’s jobs. My question: can a computer provide as inane commentary as Pennachio?

Haus February 26, 20173:43 pm

“When she spins around there was a yummy scoop.” “I like the slit.” I have nothing to add.

Parsi February 26, 20173:41 pm

Haus is here. the party has started.

Haus February 26, 20173:41 pm

lol parsi.

Haus February 26, 20173:40 pm

Online and in charge!

Parsi February 26, 20173:40 pm

Legend is wearing a limp bat for a bow-tie.

Parsi February 26, 20173:39 pm

Will the daiquiri “make the other people interesting?”

specialk February 26, 20173:38 pm

My first post!!

Parsi February 26, 20173:38 pm

Super Jelly CLRJr

CLGJr February 26, 20173:37 pm

CLGJr here. Hemingway daiquiri in hand.

Parsi February 26, 20173:37 pm

OTRC Fashion: Slits are in. Remember that.

Parsi February 26, 20173:35 pm

Go civil liberties.

Parsi February 26, 20173:35 pm

Lin Manuel Mirando repping ACLU.

Parsi February 26, 20173:32 pm

Pennachio wants to know if people are looking for something deeper. I am pretty sure for him that would be the kiddie pool.

Parsi February 26, 20173:31 pm

Pennachio can identify colors, I am surprised. Yellow it is.

Parsi February 26, 20173:28 pm

Emma Roberts is hanging out solo, much like Parsi. I am going green as well. I am wearing a cat,

Haus February 26, 20173:05 pm

Ladies and germs, we will be online at 3:30pm PT. And as a grand surprise event, CLGJr, SpecialK, and Haus are all IN AN UNDISCLOSED LOCATION IN SILICON VALLEY LIVE BLOGGING IN PERSON what what

Parsi February 25, 20172:52 pm

The choiceiest!

CLGJr February 23, 20172:40 pm

Hells to the YEAH choiceaf

Haus February 23, 20171:31 pm

Oh, it’ll be CHOICE.